The First Day of School

Well, today is the first day of school. Public school that is. It is the real day of truth. I awoke early this morning with such mixed feelings. I know we are supposed to home school, but there is still this strange feeling of being left out. I can't help but look at Maddi and feel kind of sad. She has no idea what today is, but I do. I know the Lord has a purpose for all things, and he can give us so much more than the world. I know for myself that we don't need the experiences of the world to be fulfilled and to grow into His people. Still, my heart feels heavy as I know that Nick and I have chosen to deprive Maddi of this life experience. She can never have another first day of Kindergarten again. Today will come and go, and with it, that opportunity. From here on out, if we ever put her back into school, she will be different. All of the other kids will have already started. They shared that experience all together. They all walked through the door of the school together. They kissed their mothers good-bye, met their teacher, played on their first recess--everything you do on the first day of kindergarten. All except my Maddi. I love her so much, as I do all my kids. I don't want her to miss out on anything in life. I don't want her to be strange, or different. But, then again, I guess I do. I guess that is what this all boils down to for us. We will have to be strange and different--peculiar--if that's what He requires. I feel intensely sad today, but intensely grateful as well. I pray that my children will be grateful for this decision too, and not look back with anger or resentment. Who knew being a parent was going to be so complicated! Heaven help us as we try to negotiate this monumental task! Or should I say, keep helping us, as He always does.